A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
