OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
