It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
