Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
