Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
