I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
