she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Small penises have feelings too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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