Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
