I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
