Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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