So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i've created a new STD.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
