the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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