apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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