Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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