I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
