I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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