It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
