i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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