I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just threw up on my dentist
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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