you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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