i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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