Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
