we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
