Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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