last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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