Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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