Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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