I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize