One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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