I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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