How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
