Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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