I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God, I missed his penis.
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