my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
