If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize