So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
