My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
