It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
