Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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