I accidentally had phone sex last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
