She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
