I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm like, not good at living.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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