He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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