I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
