I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
