Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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