I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
