i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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