just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
