if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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