I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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