I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.