you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!