I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.