Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
