I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
