If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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