It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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