Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
