her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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