Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
