just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
