I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
