I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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