I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
