no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
