your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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