Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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