im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is my gift to your gina
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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